remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
