The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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