Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
