Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
