In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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