So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
