I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
