The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
