it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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