im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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