Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
