Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
