It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
