There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Your penis caused this!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
