so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Randomize
