I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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