$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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