she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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