i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
