Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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