I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
