What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
