OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
