She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
