and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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