Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
