No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
