you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
