wanna go halves on a baby?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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