my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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