I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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