I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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