On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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