I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
and she was petting her beer can
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
His nipple licking is glorious
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