i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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