I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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