I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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