She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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