I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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