The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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