NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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