How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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