9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
