don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
