I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
