We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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