i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
