New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
