It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
