She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
