I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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