It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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