Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
