Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
