the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
