You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
