No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
