we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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