Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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