yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
