This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
