My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
