I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
