i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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