it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
