Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
