just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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