I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
